How is Marriage Going?

Recently, I was asked this question. What should I say? 

"I love it!"

"It is at times difficult, but so so good."

"The best."

"It is such a good way to learn what a selfish creature I am"

I may not have been brave enough to say this last one, but I do want to write about it, so here it goes.

I have a good husband. He does well at listening to me, even when I don't make any sense. 
Sometimes, I don't understand what I want. Sometimes, all I want is to be understood. Most of the time, both of us end up confused. But I can't stop talking, processing. So I continue. Trying to figure out the longings deep in my heart.

Sometimes our personalities clash. "This isn't supposed to be like this," I think. "We should be working together, complimenting each other's differences." Yet, at times, I take a while, he gets impatient, I get defensive, and both of us are annoyed. 

I thought marriage would be the "fix-all" relationship. I thought maybe, we could heal each other's hurts, love out each other's bad habits, feel the completeness that we long for. 

But,

Maybe marriage is not a "fix-all".

Maybe it's normal for us to not understand each other completely.

Maybe it takes time.

Maybe marriage is meant to finally break us, me.

Maybe it's meant to bring me to my ultimate Lover, Christ.

Maybe that's the way God intended it the whole time.

I look ahead, I look back. I see God's hand in both places. I feel the sweet love that He radiates through my husband. I am comforted. God has given me a friend and husband and with him, we can chase Jesus. Together.