Need

He stares through my window unashamed. The boy on the sidewalk in roller skates. Being rather tall, this isn't hard for him to do. I notice it as I pick chicken off the bone in my kitchen. I see him as I sit and write at the dining room table. While I am slicing peaches for canning, I glance up to see him looking at me. Then he grins and waves for me to come to the door.

The first time this happens, I smile. The next time, I grin. The next time, I groan inside. The next time, I wave for him to come to the door himself, he shakes his head. 

Every time I go to the door to say hi, he doesn't want much. Maybe just to tell me about his latest drawing, or to ask me about the next neighborhood art project, or a peach, a whole peach.

My dream for living in town was for encounters just like this, except a bit less messy. A bit less gooey chicken on my fingers when the situation comes up. Less demanding of my time. A little less...

need.

Looking back now, I'm not sure what I pictured. But feeling grumpy at the neighbor kid for asking me for a peach was not it. 

We have gotten to know him a bit better since then. There's times when he grins and gives us a good laugh. There's times when he lies and manipulates to get what he wants.

Many times I get frustrated, he should treat us better than this! Often, I don't know how to respond to his many needs and requests. 

I wipe the dirt off our supper dishes, my brain a fog of annoyance at the boy who needs more than we can give. It was in this moment that Christ showed me that we too are needy. The reason I can't love this boy the way I thought I could is because that kind of love only comes from Christ, and my need for Him.

My inadequacy flooded my heart as I realized I had tried to do all of this backwards. 

The Bible says, "We love, because He first loved us."  John 4:19 

It does not say, We love because we try really hard.

Why should I feel anger towards a boy who is as needy as I? 

Oh, Christ, fill me; overflow my heart with Your love that cannot be measured.

Amen.

Standing on the brink of choosing to open our home to foster children has caused us to think and rethink each encounter we have with children. Can we handle this responsibility? 

Only with Christ.